Navigations are at the top
ABOUT {what i've}
LINKS {been looking for}
TAG {all this time}
bold italic underline link
not in the mood, ppl ! hmm .. thought of smth ..
this is nt for zaidi, but for the guy tht had been cheering me up, supporting me, advicing me before me and zaidi gt tgthr and even after zaidi and me got tgthr ..
you told me not to give up, supported me all the way, made me smile .. i developed feelings for you but when i did, he came into my life back again . i did cried a few times coz i'm scared i make a wrong decision . i never did told you my feelings coz i knw you wont hv the same feelings . hmph, okok . relax~ i knw yana dah adeh mataer . and yana dah made decision untuk setie and make all my decisions right . hmph . this is for you :
bukan niat untuk menyakiti,
bukan niat untuk meninggalkn,
saatsaat bersama,
saatsaat kita bergembira,
dan saatsaat kita bersedih .
selama ini, A yg sentiase di sisi yana .. go through everything when i'm sad and when i'm happy . A sanggop kol yana untuk tnye acl nan yana . teman yana saat yana keseeorgan . tpi A sendiri kate pt yana .. tgglkn org yg yna suke and setie pade mataer yana . and slame ni, org yg yana sukekn is A tpi yana cintehkn mataer yana and setie pade die .. skrg, yana nk blg A, yg yana tkkn msg A .. until A mcg yana .. maafkn yana .. yana tkleh continue on like this .. yana tknk apeape jadi pt hubungan yana nan zai . yana pon tknk apeape jadi pt hubungan kite tpi yana terpkseh .. hmph .. maybe everything should go this way ..
My tears has its meaning . all those tears has its worth while .
EVERY SADNESS HAS ITS LAUGHTER, EVERY LAUGHTER HAS ITS SADNESS .
it just need your patience . its you who make your decision . not anyone else . back with my love again (: ily dear .
Since yesterday, my world became emotional again . i dont know why . i just happened to cry when i'm messaging .. tears came dripping down without me realizing the cause of it . but now i realized, two main cause of it . its because of B and Z .
B, i just wanted you to be happy . i may just like you but this feeling is strong .. but i have not loved you yet . haish . but since you loved someone else, i have to try to let you go .. i know its hard, but i'll try . messaging you was a pain in me . though i smiled in those messages, but i cried in real life .. i dont know why but when i typed her name, i cried ..
Z, i do still love you . i told you i can't move on .. i told you i love him and its almost 2months .. and all that while, i'm referring to you . i don't want you to know yet . but i just hope you realize it . messaging you makes me cry even more . it just really pains me .. minutes later, you called . i was shocked . you asked me questions and all .. hmph . Z, after talking to you, i feel more calm .. thank you ..
and when i slept, i dreamt of every person tht has its mark in my life .. every person in my life and used to be in my life, going through all my ups and downs tgthr with me .. i dont know why, at the last part of my dream, i dreamt of you, z .. i dreamt that you sent me a message 'yana, i blm move on lagi . i maseh sygkn you . i dah sedar .. tpi i blm ready .. bukan i nk saketkn hati u .. hahha ' this is what you sent me in my dream . and when i woke up i saw your name on my phone 'Zaileng ! disconnected ' you called me ? i was terribly shocked . i really saw it . i saw YOUR name but when i called you back, you didnt . but i am really sure, i saw your name on my phone .. but when i checked again, i was wrong . i am sorry . but i did saw you name with the star and exclamation mark in it . haish, whats wrong with me . i started to be stressed again . people ! ask me out to have fun with me . i need to calm myself down .. seriously .. haish . i still love you, z . even if i like someone else .. but i ONLY STILL LOVE ONE . and that is you ..
i miss you ..
MAYBE i'm in love . MAYBE i'm not . MAYBE i'm confused . MAYBE i'm not . MAYBE i'm happy . MAYBE i'm not . MAYBE i'm sad . MAYBE i'm not . MAYBE i'm jealous . MAYBE i'm not . MAYBE i'm crazy . YES, i am crazy .
hehehehehe (: the moment i heard his voice otp, i just feel like i like him . i know ! i am crazy . but its like, a sudden one . haiyo ... ok shut it, but my love is for Z, still .. move on ? had not decide on it . oh wll, life have been so normal ~ normal and boring to the max . hahahaha . i've not been thinking abt love tht much and i love it (: only thought of like and my friends and my one & only PART TIME mataer . hahaha .
okok . have not been going to sch, two days straight . wow, its boring you know at home, onlining but no one is online . hahaha , reason for not going school is because i'm lazy and cnnt get up from bed because of my tiredness . hahaha, ppl mcg me, call me early in the morning, i answer say i nvr go sch then just put down the phone . how rude am i ? ppl mcg me longlong morning wish, i reply them abt how many hours late . its because i go to sleep bck . i'm so tired . huahua ! ppl, ppl ! i miss someone in school . my PART TIME mataer lah ! hahahaha, shh, other than her, got someone also (: winkwink ! heeeeee .okok . i have nothing much to say . tata ! ily all .
INTRODUCING MY PART TIME MATAER (:Weeee ~ ni part time jek taw, bkn full time . cheh, kurang ajar eh . fake ~ hahaha . i love her very much (: i cried for her, i laugh with her, i smile with her, i think of her . we have same mind, feelings and condition . we go through everything tgthr . syg ! sory i didnt spend time with you yesterday . i'm sory bby ! haahhaha . kekek kekek . nxt time aye . ily PART TIME mataer (: muacks . hahahah !
Z, don't worry, i still love you . hahaha !
woke up at 1++, i know, damn late . mcgmcg ppl, stood up from bed, charged my phone and went to the toilet to bathe . gotten ready, msgmsg, eateat and went out of house . took bus 98and alighted at J.E int . when i was walking towards the meeting place, bumped into A.P, salam him . wahsey, lawah peh rambot ! proceeded to meetin nadirah and rasyidah . bought cheese sausage and faizah came . walked to J.E library and went up to the 4th floor by lift . found a place to sattle down . first thing, went to the toilet . touched up, went on and went to the vending machine . and, beside it, theres these guys staring at us . looking at the price of Famous Amos so cheap, went to the place we put our things and took out my wallet and went back to the vending machine and bought Famous Amos . when i was putting in the money, those guys took my pictures and i turned and noticed it . i just gave them a look and look away . they were like smiling at me . handsome tu handsome, but manners ... fuhh hilang ke mane . kalau nk amek, bilang lah . boleh pose siket (: hahaha . went to the drinking vending machine and the one who took my picture called me and said sory . i just smiled and walk away . haiyo . did our project and i didn't even give any suggestion but only eateateat . i was hungry . i ate CHOCOLATE , btw ~ yum ! i ate famous amos, and 2 packets of M&M . hahaha ! i like !they planned, i watch . after that, there was one point where i lye on the table and that group of guys walked pass us and they smile and smile at me . kekek peh ? but adeh yg cute uh . weee ! but me and friends were like 'who are they ?' and my friend were like 'you know them ?' and i was like 'idk?' then she was like 'why are they looking at you and so on?' idk ! haiyo . after planning all, planned to go IMM to eat LJS , followed, and i ate crazy potatoes . yumm ~ but unable to finish up then . thnks faizah for the 50 cents . went bck home by taking bus 98 ALONE . sadsad . alighted at my stop and reached home . andand my stomach pain ~ awh , so sad . went home and straight away , toilet ! haha, and here i am (: tata, ppl . should i send you this one mcg ? coz i want you to know smth .. but idk how .. i miss you .
PART TIME mataer, eh, you buat bdh pcl dieh sudah . tk phm bahseh lah dieh -.- merepek sia ~
it was really 'jatoh' day, weird day, best day for me .
lets storystory . first, met up with farina at j.e int, went to take the mrt to alight at chua chu kang to go to Lot 1 . fuh ! we accidentally alighted one stop late as this girl, didnt realise . i was nt familiar so i'm excused (: cheh . wah, then took another train bck to chuachukang . wahsey, arrieved then went to cotton on first to just planplan what to buy . then proceeded to the movie place . bought a ticket and food . we were lost finding the entrance . first time sia ~ then, a smart girl named Liyana, found it . hahaha . went into the theatre . sat down and ate abit . felt like urinating so i asked farina to accompany me as how cn i go to the toilet by myself ? scary you know .went into the toilet, saw one of the cubical door closed . felt uneasy so i just went in to the other cubical and did my business . went out, farina was playing with water, then she asked 'who's in the cubical ah ?' if you know me, i'm weak so i opened the toilet and rushed out with farina and farina was like 'eh, wait for me .' it was scary ! waited for shrek forever after to start . started and the story was fun ~ funny ~ sad ~ happy ~ . after finished watching, went out of the theatre and we walkwalk, go cotton on to buy shoe . bought it, without realizing, we went out of Lot 1 already . the decided to go causewaypoint . went to causeway point's macCafe . saw Ajam ~ weee ! he's hot ~ walkwalkwalk, went out of causeway point . i was eating chocolate espresso . and when i walked on a board, suddenly i triiped over and i flung like a superwoman ~ wah . my shirt all like the wing alr sia ! jatoh sia mukeh . then rounding at the pasar mlm . planned to go henderson waves as there were still time, but because of nt knwing the way there, we cncelled . we walkwalkwalk, still, no place to go so, we went to West mall . haha . just rounding there, and went to the bus int and took bus 189 to go bukit batok . reached, we walked to the busstop, planned to go vivo but cncelled, gt a call . then, took bus 187 and 3 stops after tht, we alighted to explore . was scary . from there until j.e int we walked, got nth else to do . reached int, took bus 98 and bused home .
points i missed out:
haiyo . weird thing . why is ppl looking at me like they've known me frm somewhere ? haiyo . okok, anybody posted any of my vid in youtube ? hahaha . no no ! hmph, going out today, made my mind calm . wahsey . i forgot abt what are my problems . i'm more eased . wah (: i'm glad . i'm nt tht stress but i'm still waiting for you though . hahaha . eventhough i found out smth from A, idk whether its true . i just hope it isnt . tata !
ily PART TIME mataerku (: and everybody .
Cinta dan suka . haish, what is the difference ? there alot of gaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppppppp between it, dearest ! haiyo . you cn like many ppl but only love one . boy, maybe i love you . wait, not maybe but yes, i do love you very much . hhaiya . hmph, was hppy at the beginning of the day with ira until dangdut sumeh kuwa, tpy bileh dah petang2 around 5 or 6+, fuh ! mcm tkdeh mood sia . but looking at his face, did make me smile ABIT ~ haish, haiyo . then when i abt to go home, only this sentence tht i said to him 'byebye.' tu pon tk dilyn ): then when abt 100m away ~~~ all i have to say 'Z, byebye. i love you . i'll miss you . byebye , i love you .' hahah, somebody told me to shout at him, but too bad, i was too scared . oops! hahahah . okok, i've updated , and i'm bored . byebye ! tmrw no sch ~ booya ! smile bby smile . don't ever cry ~~~
Boy, i won't hate you lah . your plan won't work . hahahahaha ~ haiyo, too bad tht i've already love you deeply ..
Kalau yana nk blg zai everything kn, yana boleh . these days, yana nanges untuk zai taw . haish, betapeh dlm cinteh yana untk zai, zai tk akn phm . tpy yana akn tunggu .. yana tk perlu kateh manes Z btw .. haiyo .
i just wished, wished you were here . Z, i missed the times we've been through tgthr .. why, why ? why Z, am i really crying for you now ? what is hppening . staring into your eyes was a nice moment . i just want to say ily .. all of what i wanted to say, is just ily .. i need you . hmph, you made a big difference in my life . yes, you did . hmph, sejak Z tgglkn yana, yana dah lose hope . yana dah lemah nk face all this . Z pls perasan feeling yana . yana cumeh harapkn ketulusan dari Z . tlg yana, Z . yana tkleh tahan . yana takot . yana takot yana saket hati lagi . tpy, yana redha jeh, yana tknk give up on you sbb yana maseh percaye pt diri yana .. haish . yana maseh cintehkn Z .
i don't know what hppened to me, its just that i'm lost . i don't know what is happening . my world turned upside down without him being around ..
even if me and him are friends .. i want to . as long as i can see him and talk to him . and when the time comes, i will tell you everything ,
liyana, liyana ! just stop crying . i'm really nt in a gd mood . everything i do, its wrong . wrong, wrong, wrong . serious sia . i just cant stop thinking . i just hate my life at this point right now .. i'm sory . haish, i need my freedom now . i need my time .. i need myself back . be strong, liyana ..
HANYA KEPADA INSAN YANG AKU SAYANGI SELAMA INI.kenangan lalu tetap di ingatan walau haty telah byk di sakity dan telah dilepaskn.
hopes aren't getting anyy better but myy faithh for you is still here. my love for you still stays. never did it fade. you said to me, you will still love me. are you even telling the truthh? coz i'm ready now, ready to know every single feelings of yours coz i don't want to wait any longer. don't want to wish more that you'll love me agin like how u used to. are you sweet talking to me just to make me happy? stop it/ all i wanted is the truth from you. your honesty, your trueself but am i getting it how i wanted it? am ii really wanting us to really be like how we used to. I LOVE YOU/ for all the hurts i have gone through is because i love you. for all the laughters i've gone through is because i love you. and i will still love you. all i need is just all the truth from your mouth. i have no love for anyone but you. yes, only you coz u stole my heart. i gave it to you because i trust you you would handle it withh care. yes, you did, but uu left it. you let go of my heart. i gave you all my hopes, all my faith but you let me down. al ii just have to wishh,, is to wake up in the morning and receiving a message from you. i want you to be my first person to receive a text from and the last for me to text. i love you all my might. i love you for who you are. i miss your hug. i miss your kisses. i miss your words. and i miss you. i care for you. i'd just hope you'll realize how muchh ii really want us to be back like how we used to. losing you isn't a fear. coz its not love. but when ii lose you, i cried for you coz i still care and love you. i need you back i want you back. I STILL LOVE YOU, Zaileng.
aykkkkkk(: heyyyy. hahahah.
((: okayokayy, wow~ todayy,, woke up at 6 and mcged fina straight awayy, asked her smthh and slept bck. woke up at around 6.45, byy alarm clock and mother. pagyy2 mawuu biseng -.- irritating siaaaa! hahah. then bathe,, for 25 mins sehh. wahhseyywahseyyy. power! hahah. then got ready quickly as fina was waiting downstairs for how manyy minutes alr. sorreeeyyy): hhahha! then go schh. reached schh at around 7.30++ but we werent late((: gdgd. schh right nxt to me alr like tht. if far away howw? hahah. its just luck(: okok. then assembled. aftr assemblyy, all ladies are supposed to go to ISH, had a talk from Mrs Leong. hahah. there was one part tht was so funneeeyyyy~ hahah. thenthen right, went to class,, it was geog. ate lollipop given by Ms Su , thnk youuu(: hhahah. went for MT , to the libraryy bby~. was reading a veryy nicenicenice book then bell rang and we went off for Maths. fuuyoooohh` it was myy luck that she didnt asked me for my 300 lines of 'i will not talk in class when i'm not supposed to'. hahahah, you never would want to know what hppened. heheheh(: evil! fakee~ went for recess. ate mee soto. yumm~ and went to settled one hal. hahah. haiyoo. kekek kekek. dgn posture2 skalyy diehh bobal nan kitehh. slang pon adehhh/ hahahah! bell rang, took smth from fina and wanted to pass it to aeffa but aeffa was nt in class so passed it to bobby. hahah. then, went for maths late~ was asked whyy,, gave reason tht i went to the toilet. emergencyy~ hahah! then had PE. was hit by a basketball ball. shittt~ pain siaaa. then headed for English. i love english when Mr.Fok used to teach than now. haiyoo. ii miss him. then schh ended. planned to do DnT but chnge of plans, went to slack withh iira, aicha, hannis, amma, zul, fadillah, azrim, aizz, wan, aan. bob and apit was there for awhile onlyy. took videos and sing and just talk emptyy stuffs. hahah! they went off and we were left withh me, iira and aizz. was bored and planned to go home. sent iira to the bustop and we bumped into hannis. hannis and me waited for iira to take the bus and ii sent hannis to her lift. then ii went back. it was bored. these days,, ii go back home early than ever, hahah/ limit2 ii will reachh home before 4/5/6. usually, ii reached home at 7 or 6.45 sehh, hahahha! biasehhlahh,, dahh tkdehh mataer to spend tymee withh, got no extra stuffs tht ii have to complete. am proud of myself. hahahah! wahhseyyy~ but still,, ii miss him so muchh. ii have a mcgg. a mcgg whichh says evrythng tht had gt to do withh me and him. haishh. just wondering if ii have to send it to him. andand, ii listened and sang some songs from spin and nana, and it has the meaning for me. ii sing sedap sehh laguu dorggg(: ii recorded myy voice but ii deleted it. dont want to keep. hahahah!
okok. till here. to somebodyy2, pls takecare of him. tknk papehh jadykk pt diehh. ii still love him sehhh! andand. if cn,, ii want to be onlyy available to him but nt anyone else. so ,, it means ii want to be single. hahahah! if cn. insyaAllah. amin(: tc people!
You have a calmer nature when compared to others. But you think deeply in matters of romance. You do not like public display of affection. You can sacrifice everything for the one you care for. You maintain a fine balance between selflessness and selfishness in your relationships.
You are emotional in love. You will have some sad moments of disappointment in your love life. You will have an inconsistent love life filled with casual flirtations here and there. You are likely to be cold and less passionate. You are calculating in all matters of love. Your head rules your heart.
___________________________________________________________________You have control over your imagination and use it whenever you wish. You are a sensitive person. You approach new things with caution. Even though you may be capable, you lack self-confidence. You tend to undervalue your capabilities and talents.
____________________________________________________________________You are likely to lead a happy and healthy life. You are likely to be very passionate and romantic in life. You are kind and caring towards those around you. You are ambitious but try not to become complacent in whatever you do and you will achieve much.
You are likely to have some phases of ill health in your life. You have strong will power. Your body will show more resistance in times of ill health. You are more brainy than brawny. There were some restrictions on you in your childhood in school/home. You are likely to lead a comfortable life with less downs and more ups.
_________________________________________________________________
You have a calm personality. Your friends may consider you loyal and trustworthy. You care for the people close to you. You may be gullible but cynical at the same time.
_________________________________________________________________
You are a very romantic girl. Your guy is lucky to have you in his life. Way to go!
__________________________________________________________________
You are in true love with him.
_________________________________________________________________
You are a good girlfriend. Your boyfriend is lucky to have you.
__________________________________________________________________
for everyy love quiz, muncol jekk pkiran pcll diehh(: i answered everyy single question withh truthh,
Firstlyy,, ii dedicate this post to ilapendek, myy beloved anak(:
dearest anak, hahah. hmphh. ii cried when ii read your post. it was too touching. no,, ii wont say its really forever an ending for me and him. if for him its really an ending for us,, terserahh. but myy love for him wont fade. ii told ira 'my love for him nk fade' (aftr the breakup.) but as days passed. nono,, its impossible coz my heart is still for him. eventhoughh ii looked hppy, eventhough ii laughed alot, bt my mind and heart still has thoughts of him and his name. and still,, everyy night,, ii teared for him. i'd just wishh one day,, ii could just tell him 'i love you' right infront of him. coz i tk sempat nk blgg tuu infront of him bilehh kitehh tgthr. i love him for who he is, nt what he is. haishhh. ila,, thnks for everythng, ii just have to redha and rela. and ii just wished he realized ii am still waiting and loving him. haishh haishhh. my love still doesnt change to any other person. and i hope my love stays on him. whatever ppl said to me tht he's just lying to me, i dont believe them. kwn appehh mcm gytuuu? but at tymes they may be true but this tyme ii trust your daddy veryy much. i want him to be your permanent daddy and i will be your permanent mummy. i'm nt taking back my words. but its tht so if he agrees. ii love youu kayy ila? you also jgn stress,, ckp jekk orgg.
haiyohaiyooo! ppl say my eye bags have been worsen. ohohhhhh! hahahah. i thought i gt enough sleep? wait, 7 or 8 hours ehkk? coz ii usually sleep for 6-7 hours. hahahah!
in fb,, read this.!Amora said: ''Liyana darling, your wishes and ideals will soon come true - you and your dearest could have the same genuine interests. Share your thoughts and you could get more surprises.''byebye!
- Myy onlyy wish is being withh him back and i'll just wishh it really come true..Amora said: ''Liyana sweetheart, open your heart to the magical quality of romance surrounding you and you could discover the sweet music of love.''
- Sweet music of love, wakluuuu -.-
and guys,, guess what. everytymee ii am single,, for sure couples will appear infront,, behind or beside me. bencyy akuuu! smpyy kn tadykk ngahh lpk,, stress siaaa smpyy kuwa air matehh siket. but i love all my girls and guys for being there for me and pujok-ing and advicing me. ii have to cheer up(: insyaAllahh.
hmphh, and one thing again, these days,, ii dont eat muchh. if ii eat also,, must have abit2 not finished. like the chicken chop,, 1/4 nvr finishh. then nasykk stakat makan half. haiyooo~ now ii lpr but dont want to eat. what is really hppening to me. haiyoomaaa!
hmphhh. ii just wished every night ii could send you this 'nyte, slptite. ily veryy mucch. muacks!' etcetc. like how we used to. hmphhhh.
wahseyywahseyyy..
tk disangkehh tk didugehh. haishh saket hatyyy.
ended ended ended! haishhh): even if ii cryy a million tears it wont work out anyymore. boyy,, ii really love youu. ii will wait for you. insyaAllahh,, ii hope tht you and me will gt bck together. arhhhhh~ btw,, thnks to some who were there for me. listening to all myy cries,, all my feelings. but ii just hope ,, eventhough he is nt here withh me anymore,, he will still treat me like last tymee. ii want him to be my listening ear and his shoulder will be the place i'd lean on and cryy. ii wishh he was the one wiping away all myy tears.
ehehkkk~ you guys want to knw smthh? i'm sick. real sickk. since ytd,, ii became real lemahh. i've been vomitting last few days. but todayy,, ii vomitted abt 3-4 times): haiyaaa~ tmrw,, lauu tkmls mawuu pyy doctor. i'd just wishh he would accompanyy me like he used to last tymee before kitehh tgthr. ohh dammit,, ii miss all those tymes together withh him.
hmphh. i'm starting to think negative abt myy healthh. i'm seriouslyy worried. am ii having l....... haiyoooo. mudahmudahan tk. ahkk! if ii really have,, i'm sorryy ppl):
zaileng,, if you were to read this,, ii reallyy want you to know,, ii do love youu like how ii used to love youu. my love still is for youu. letting you go isnt easyy. its veryveryveryveryvery difficult. i lost hope when youu let me go. ohh,, ii'd just wishh you were here withh me now,, hugging me tightly and never let go/ haishhh. somehow,, ii hate you for leaving me but somehow,, i love you. but no matter what,, ii do love you.
wahseyywahseyyy! i am getting lemahhh! ahkk~ apehh nk buat,, dahh takdir.
byebye people.
everythng states on that picture. nice ehkk edit akuu!(: hahahah! hmphh. i've just been in a bad mood. yeahhh,, real badmood. until ii shouted at my father. oops,, sorreeeyyy): myy bad. hmphh. i'm just too frustrated and irritated by everything thts hppening. nk pindahh ke sanehhlahh sytuulahh. buat orgg badmood taw. ii hv to kemas2kn myy things and all. susahh hidop~ haiyoooo! vomitted a few tymes just now and ii aint better. weeks passed and my coughh isnt getting anyy better. ii havent had my m***********. girls will know what ii mean. feww weeks passed alreadyy. more thoughts are getting in my mind. haiyoooo~
well,, I'm trying to forget what that had happened latelyy whichh have made me hurt. like all those msges and calls and so on. hmphh.
''Kecyqq dear, appreciate the time your admirer's spending with you and the things happening around you - you'll smile more often.'' ii got this prediction by FB. and i've just known smthh from someone tht he loved me since long tymee ago. like woww~ but nahh. i'm attched to ZAIDI. hahahah! yeahh.. onlyy him. its weird taw. hmphhh.
to some sec 1s girls,, no offence but ii have to let you know,, stop flirting around withh guys. ii mean reallyy. what hppened yesterday,, buat orgg cekekk darahh jekk siaa~ haiyooo. sapehh ygg mkn chilii,, diehhlahh ygg terasehh pedas. no offence to some of the sec 1s who i am NOT referring to. haiyoooo -.-
to some guys,, whoever i'm referring to,
jgn saketkn hatyy pompan lagykk lahhh! kiwakkk,, tk cukup pehh apehh ygg pompan dahh sanggop buat untuk kauu. haiyooo -.- lauu attch tuu,, buat lahh attch... haishhh.Andand ii miss Zaileng):
